Quatre's Week of PMS
by CEO of Internal Affairs
Summary: It starts with Quatre's bad mood, goes to the evil sticky honey, and Trowa accidently says the wrong thing. Welcome to Trowa's worst nightmare. The week from hell...
1. Moody monday

A/N: are you ready???? For what you may ask. Well, we are baaaack… again. And today our victim is…Trowa!

Trowa:…shit

Quatre: I am sorry, my darling.

Duo and Heero: Yay! They are good to us.

Duo: Hey Hee-chan, guess what _we_ get to do in every chapter?

C&J: NOOOO don't tell!!!

Disclaimer: We don't own nothing! Shut up. If we did, we wouldn't share, and we wouldn't be obligated to write our fantasies on fan fiction.

Moody Monday: day one

The rising sun cast gentle rays of sunlight through my window and into my room, illuminating the darkness within. The melodious sound of young birds chirping merrily outside my window roused me from my peaceful slumber. A gentle smile adorned my lips as I rolled over to cuddle into my lover. Alas, it was not to be. I was rudely awaked when, as I rolled, the bed abruptly ended and my body continued its journey causing my face to make acquaintance with the rough wooden floor. "Fucking Newton's law," I muttered, cursing all science and the law of gravity. I was more of a liberal arts kind of guy anyway.

Unfortunately for everyone else, my good mood stayed with the bed that I had just ungracefully exited. I made my way down the creaky stairs of the safe house and made my way into the kitchen for my daily cup of herbal tea. While waiting for the water to boil, I did my usual ritual of standing on one of the chairs to get the honey out of the highest cupboard. Of course the honey was there. The honey is only used by me for my tea (and occasionally I have to steal it back from Heero and Duo's room) so of _course _the honey would be in the highest fucking cupboard. I'm only the shortest gundam boy! Standing on chairs is one thing I've always hated doing. It makes me feel like a child. I am not a child! I am a fucking mature adult who handles all stressful situations with grace and eloquence! _Fuck!!_

While continuing my mental rant, I searched furiously for my honey. It wasn't there. Where is my honey? I got off the chair and immediately slid; falling on the ground and banding me head against the floor. I hate floor. Why the hell don't we have any carpet!? I looked for the culprit of my fall and came face to face with a pile of sticky, golden goop. Ah. I found the honey. I don't want to know why it was there. I really, really don't.

After getting my honey (not only in the plastic bear bottle but also all over my freshly washed pajama bottoms), I proceeded to pour the hot water into my favorite porcelain cup and searched for my exquisite silver spoon. Pulling it out, I found that it was bent. Damn you Duo, I thought I told you not to use my spoon for getting out the ice cream!! Bending it back into shape, a scowl marred my normally placid face and I tired to pour the honey into my spoon. Nothing came out. Nothing. Nilch. Nada. I think at that moment my death glare would even send Heero packing. I furiously shook the honey bottle, trying to get some to come near the opening of the container. So, needless to say, when I squeezed the honey bottle, the fucking honey went spewing out. All over me, the spoon, and the counter.

The thing about honey is that it never comes off. Never. If honey were a human, it would be the most clingy, annoying, stalking person in the entire universe (See Relena). One of those people that you just put up with because they are permanently stuck to you. I would never want to put up with one of those people. All of a sudden, I felt extremely sorry for Heero.

While I was at war with the honey (And losing I might add), I felt a pair of warm, strong arms wrap around me and pull me into his body. I leaned back, immediately feeling all of my stress wash away and I smelt the welcoming scent that gave me shivers every time. I felt a warm tongue dart out and lick some of the offending amber liquid off my neck and a husky voice whispered in my ear, "Good morning honey."

That was it.

I whirled around, pushing Trowa away from me and glaring into his eye. "What did you call me?" I whispered dangerously. Trowa backed away slightly. "Did you just compare to Relena?!" I could see the confusion flash across his face as he opened his mouth, no doubt to deny it. But I was too far gone to listen to excuses.

"Did you just say that I was clingy? Are you insinuation that I'm annoying?! That you want to get rid of me but can't because I won't leave you alone!!!!?" As I attacked him, voice got louder, until I was practically yelling at his stunned, handsome face. Suddenly feeling very sad and used, I fled from the room, tears flowing down my face. "You idiot!" I called out at him as I jumped over the two naked, honey covered bodies in the hallway and ran out of the house. Today just sucked.

Line.

Line.

Line.

Dear Diary,

I have no idea what happened today. I was just trying to greet my lover. My wonderful, gentle, sweet lover…who happened to neither be gentle nor sweet this morning. I was just trying to be cute and use play on words! That alone is hard for me, as I barely ever talk. But he freaked out on me. I didn't compare him to Relena…I have no idea what's going on. Help me.

Trowa.

A/N: Yes… we are back! And yes, Trowa keeps a diary. 4 am C and J talk about Quatre PMSing and poor Trowa getting the brunt of his attack for coming up with sweet nicknames. So what do we do? Fan fiction on course. Three cups of coffee later, and much giggling, poor Trowa gets attacked!!! Yes we are evil. Don't worry we love Trowa.


	2. Terrible Tuesday

A/N: Are you ready for chapter two?! Of course you are, because this story is amazing! (This is C talking). J and I couldn't wait to get started on it! . Anyway, I guess it's on to the second chapter, and more Trowa torture!!

Trowa: Noooo! Please, spare me!

Quatre: I feel bad; I don't want my Trowa to be tortured!

Duo: heehee, Hee-chan and I don't mind!

C: of course you don't. anyway…

Disclaimer: We don't own it. How many times must we be forced to face the sad truth of reality?

**Terrible Tuesday**

The sun…that damned sun rose and cast blinding rays of sunlight right through my window and right into my eyes. And those loud, obnoxious birds were at it again. I was sorely tempted to shoot them through my window!! But…that would involve getting up. Damn it, this is definitely _not _how I wanted to wake up today. I figured it would all be okay if I could still cuddle with Trowa, who I had forgiven yesterday after ignoring him all day, feeding him burnt dinner, and washing his clothes without softener. Ha. Anyway, I went to roll over and cuddle next to my darling, making sure this time that I would roll the right way, and I came into contact with a rather painful slap from said lover's hand. Apparently, Trowa had the same idea as me. That was definitely _not _how I wanted to wake up.

But I guess it didn't wake Trowa up, because he sighed and rolled back over. He didn't know what he had just done, or else I'm sure that he would have apologized, which kind of irritated me. I mean, come on! He just hit me. Me, his love! That doesn't make me happy. Not. One. Bit. So, now completely and thoroughly irritated, I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom, hoping that a nice steamy shower would brighten my rather crappy mood. I stepped into the bathroom, which is also tiled I might add (my feet were freezing), and twisted the knob to start the shower. I slid my clothes off and prepared to become calm and relaxed. However as I stepped into the tub, my foot landed on a bar of soap and I slipped, fell, and hit my back against the side of the tub. Fuck! Oh God, that really hurt! And while I was bathing, someone flushed a toilet and I was blasted with freezing cold water. This is definitely not my day.

So here I am; sore, cold, and extremely grumpy, standing on my chair again and trying to get the _fucking _honey down. I absolutely hate the damn chair making me feel small and inferior, like a little child. Even Trowa, who is now my lover, called me fucking 'little one' for the longest time. I'm not little; I'm just as old as they are! I've always been the little one, the child of the group, but I know that I am twice as mature as Duo, and even more responsible than Wufei! Damn honey, being on the top shelf!! Damn you!

After I had fixed my tea, I walked into the living room where I decided to drink my tea in peace. But, that was not to be. Heero and Duo were on the couch…naked and writhing. Needless to say I got out of there as fast as I could. I have no desire to witness anything so I scurried back to our room, hoping to find some peace and quiet. With any luck, Trowa would still be asleep or in the shower. Ugh, the shower. Evil, evil, scum forming…_thing. _

I cautiously open the door, peeking my head in and scanning for signs of life. Seeing none, I made my way to the unmade bed and sat down, getting ready for a relaxing experience. However, words and sentences consisting of 'Little One' and 'Small' kept whirling around in my head. My anger started rising from simmer to full out boil as my thoughts stewed. Hm…I must be hungry. Maybe I should make soup or something….To put it in layman terms (or Duo terms,) I was getting angry. I just can't get around the fact that all the other boys looked at me like a child. Even the Maguanacs treat me like I'm five, and they even call me _master!_ I was abruptly brought out of my thoughts by the sound of the bathroom door opening, and Trowa, clad in only a fluffy white towel, stepping into the room. If I were less sophisticated (or Duo) I would drool.

Trowa looked up through his bangs, let out a dazzling white smile that melted my heart, and said in his sexy morning voice, "Hey baby."

…

…!!!

WHAT?!?!?! I felt my hand move on its own accord as it flew out and splashed my scalding hot tea all over Trowa's face, now looking quite shocked. "Trowa, you idiot!!!" I yelled as I ran out of the room, seeking solace outside with my flamingo covered gundam, sandrock. I was so pissed I almost didn't even realize the half naked sex god following me out the door, hurriedly spewing out apologies. I whirled around and Trowa almost ran right into me, stopping right in front of me, still trying to apologize.

"Trowa! Do you even know what you're apologizing for?!" I yelled, obviously very upset. Trowa blinked and answered…

"…was it something I said?"

Wrong answer. "Trowa, I thought you understood me! How could our relationship become such a mess? I thought we were meant for one another!" And crying emotionally, I ran off into the woods.

**Line.**

**Line.**

**Line.**

Dear Diary,

I don't know what prompted it. I thought he was over it from yesterday…I mean the make up sex was great! How can my sweet, love filled compliments and endearing terms offend him so??? All I said was 'hey baby.' I can understand yesterday, but today? What's offending about baby? Lots of people use it? Why should I be different? I'm trying so hard but… (tearstain)…I just don't know. How do I fix it????

Trowa.

A/N:

C: ANIME CON TOMORROW!!! YEEEEEEK!

J: yes and torture of Co-

C: HORSEY!!!!!!!!!

J: Yes anyways…. Poor innocent Trowa!!! Well maybe not so innocent…

C: Eh, he deserves it all I think. Then again, I'm mean. Muahahahahaaaaa….

J: Yea but we are a bit mean; we aren't too nice to Duo either…

C: Duo gets sex every chapter, and Trowa gets makeup sex. I don't think we're that mean. I mean, Quatre could become uber religious and swear off sex forever…DUDE! We should totally do it!!! .

Trowa: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Please I _beg _you!! Down on knees

C: Oh, for once Trowa's on his knees! Oh…oh that was dirty. Anyway…we're talking too much….

J: Yes. Well 'til next time. Uhhh oh I think Trowa just ran away screaming.

C: Yes, Run! RUN!!! Muahahahahaaaaa!!!!! We'll find you!! Well, tata!


	3. Whiney Wednesday

**Whiney Wednesday**

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Aah, how superb. Me and my darling Trowa were finally graced with some alone time. The sun was out, the birds were chirping merrily, and Trowa had prepared a lovely picnic for me outside among a cornucopia of beautiful flowers. A quaint, patchwork blanket was spread out underneath us while Trowa pulled out the champagne and strawberries and a breathy moan escaped my lips as the wind caressed my head and played with my silky strands of hair. I looked over at my love who daintily plucked a strawberry from the basket and held it to my lips. "Oh Trowa," I breathed. He looked lovingly upon me and opened his mouth and out came a…

Snore?

I blinked groggily and looked at my surroundings. I was in bed and apparently had been woken up by my lover's loud snores that rent the morning air. Dammit, this was _not _how I wanted to wake up in the morning. What the fuck happened to the morning after glow? Why was I glowless? Dammit Quatre, glow! Trowa, you weren't good enough!!

Okay, take a deep breath. This was not Trowa's fault. He's a wonderful lover. Oh applesauce; I wanted today to be better than the last two. That's it; today I'll make an effort! Maybe I'll even pack a picnic like from my dream and Trowa and I can have a romantic afternoon together. That's it Quat, think positive!

I crept downstairs to make our picnic without waking my love up. Oh, he was going to be so surprised! After pulling out the basket, I opened the fridge to look at my collection of champagne. Wait a minute, one of my bottles is missing…

Duo!!

No, I musn't turn to the darkside! Positive thinking, positive! I'll just do the rest of lunch first. To enforce my cheerful outlook, I decided to sing a happy song while compiling lunch. "Put a smile on, put a smile on, everybody come one…put a smile on!" Wait a minute, wasn't that from McDonalds? Damn you brainwashing commercials! I placed the strawberries in the basket and turned back to the refrigerator to choose my champagne. Pulling out a bottle that Wufei had told me was especially exquisite, I decided to try it out and see if it fit the occasion. Pouring myself a small glass, I took a tentative sip. Mmm, champagne. Bubbly and nice. _(A/N: don't get the inside joke? Read underwater kisses.)_

As I contemplated Wufei's recommendation, the said man meandered though the kitchen, sipping at what looked to be a root beer float. Odd, floats at nine thirty in the morning? Wufei, as if reading my mind, looked at me with an unreadable expression. "That's odd Quatre. Champagne at nine thirty in the morning?"

"Don't ask me questions Wufei, and I won't ask you." He looked down at his drink, back to me, and walked upstairs. Wufei, I love you.

Picnic basket: check.

Wonderful lover: still sleeping.

Perfect weather: …

I looked outside to marvel at the splendid day ahead…of…me? No. Please, no. Not rain clouds!

And sure enough, the dark, omnipresent thunderclouds moved in, blocking the sunlight and promising rain and lightning. And as if that wasn't bad enough…

Thunder scared Wufei and lightning made Duo cranky. After thinking these thoughts, thundering footsteps coming down the stairs marked the arrival of a bickering Heero and Duo.

"I'm sick of being your bitch!"

"I don't think of you as my bitch." Heero said in his usual monotone.

"Don't lie to me Heero, I _know _that's what you think! How many times have we had sex this week!?" Duo nearly screeched as Heero started counting on his fingers. "Dammit, that was a rhetorical question! The point is, it's _my turn! _Be careful or you won't EVER GET THIS PIECE OF ASS AGAIN!!!" Duo screamed as he walked out the door to the backyard. Heero, scowling as he ran out of fingers to count on and obviously not listening to his lover's tantrum, realized that Duo had left and quickly followed him out the back door muttering, "baka."

The rampant emotions coming from Duo had taken their toll as I felt the sharp twinge of pain cut across my heart. I was just calming from Duo's rampage when down came a hyperventilating Wufei, clutching at his empty root beer float. I felt my heart constrict. I could feel his anxiety deep in my heart and start to affect my breathing. I had always liked Wufei because he was normally so calm, but his fear doubled when he was scared because he tried to bottle it up inside. I cursed internally at my sensitive heart. As Wufei made himself another root beer float, I staggered to the couch in the living room, trying to regulate my breathing. I didn't ask for a sensitive heart, I'm sensitive enough! I'm the most effeminate person in our whole gay gundam group! I could feel Wufei calm down as he walked back up the stairs sipping his fresh root beer float. Yes, my Wufei is back, calming my heart!

But unfortunately, a booming of thunder announced the storm's arrival, and my heart once again flared up in pain at his unease. As if that wasn't enough, Duo and Heero barged through the door, Duo wrapped around Heero's hips and ravishing him while they tried to make their way up the stairs. "I can't believe you finally agreed! I love you Hee-chan!" Duo said between kisses.

"Hn," Heero replied, but my heart felt his injured pride. Poor Heero, I'll make something nice for dinner. My emotions seemed to be stabilizing as my heart rate went down. I tried to get my breathing to calm down when suddenly I was overwhelmed with an immense feeling of love making my heart soar into the clouds…

…just as another thunderbolt hit and Wufei squealed like a little girl, causing my heart to clench again. I let out a gasp of pain and suddenly Trowa was there in front of me, concern evident in his eyes... eye. Thank god Trowa, my love, my darling.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?"

…what? Did he just mention…but, no. We'd agreed not to talk about it. Trowa….!!!! I scowled deeply and glared up at Trowa's face that quickly went from concerned to terrified. "Trowa…"

"Yes…uh…swee-uh…Quatre?"

"I thought," I whispered dangerously, "That we agreed that we WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT MY CONDITION!!!!!!" my voice got progressively louder until I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I sent one last glare in his direction as simultaneously thunder and lighting struck. "I _hate you Trowa!!" _I yelled as I turned and fled upstairs to lock myself in my room. I heard Trowa though the door trying to apologize, but my sympathy was gone. "You can sleep on the couch tonight, Trowa! I don't want to see your lying face!" And with that, my day was shot to hell.

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Dear diary,

I'm so confused and lonely. My once sweet Quatre randomly burst into tears and locked me out of our room today. I didn't mention his space heart, what's going on? I saw the picnic set up on the counter and I figured that he must be in a better mood from yesterday. I mean the make up sex was great…AGAIN! I just don't get it, what is causing these mood swings?

Trowa

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C: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA! Once again, we are genius!

J: I must agree!!! Poor Trowa… and Heero. Well we promised sex in every chapter, and well Duo just _insisted_ on top…. Sorry.

C: kukukuku…take that you f'ing megalomaniac! Sorry, Heero totally deserves to be punished for not killing Relena. Doom!!!

J: Hmmm… Kinky…. Duo punishing Heero… Mmmm… sigh I must agree though, Have fun Duo, don't hurt him_ too _ badly.

C: Okay, click on that ugly little purple/blue button and review! We'll give you an invisible cookie! (pst, those are better than real ones.)


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